Yes – of course this whole thing is tiring. And I know I’m supposed to sleep when Z is sleeping. Lindy suggested I try to nap at least once a day apart from Zeke – so I can get some amount of deep sleep – pretty impossible when he’s right beside me. So yesterday I tried. Dave had Z on the couch and I went to the bedroom, about 30 feet away – to nap.
Within five minutes, I felt a physical pain of separation so strong that I started crying hysterically and had to come back and hold him for the next half hour. My logical mind was telling me how ridiculous I was being and that this was my body telling me I was going through some combination of sleep deprivation and hormone withdrawal, but all the same, I couldn’t bear to be apart from him.
It reminded me of The Golden Compass (the book, not the movie) and Pullman’s description of
what it feels like when someone is separated from their daemon. That’s what it was like. Little Zeke, my daemon, my soul. And it occurred to me that I felt this way about a person I have only known for 5 DAYS!!